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Meatball It Up/Transcript

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Interior. Shake It Up, Chicago! studio.
Gary: You just saw an hour of the hottest dancers in town on Shake It Up, Chicago!. Thanks for joining us, and as the French say... see you next week!
CeCe: (Sniffing) Do you smell that?
Rocky: Yeah, someone really stinks. (She and CeCe sniff each other)
CeCe & Rocky: It's you! No, it's you! (They step away from each other)
Gary: (Walks in with envelopes) It's pay day! (Waves them in the air and the dancers are attempting to grab them) Ha ha, jump, jump like you're dolphins and I have a bucket of sardines. (He throws them and exits)
CeCe: (Gasps) Wow! We get to be on TV, and they pay us!
Rocky: Now if they just paid us to go to school...
CeCe: (Gunther and Tinka enter) Hey, what are you guys gonna do with your money?
Gunther: What we always do: buy golden shoes and fancy pants! (They pose)
Tinka: It's called "investing in yourself." Ka-ching! (Exit)
Production Assistant: (Enters with a group of people taking pictures) ...And this is our Shake It Up, Chicago! stage. We've been shooting here for the last 11 years. And right over there are our two newest back-up dancers, Rocky and CeCe. (Exits)
CeCe: (Rocky is waving. Loudly) Do they have Shake It Up in your land?
Dancer #1: Yeah, our "land" is Pittsburgh.
CeCe: Oh... (Waves) Aloha!
Dancer #1: So you're the new girls, huh?
CeCe: Yeah!
Dancer #1: Well, me and my friends dance a little. Maybe you guys could give us some pointers.
CeCe: Sure, but I have to warn you, we're a little advanced.
Rocky: But, uh, we'll see what you kids got. Hey, Marco, drop somethin' hot.

(Dance routine by Shake It Up, Pittsburgh dancers)

♫ Hey! See it’s been a while since all these people done seen me battle ♫
♫ And they cramp my style ‘cause I’m so out there, haters in my shadow ♫
♫ You can talk that mess but I know, right now, I’m on to somethin’ ♫
♫ Shorty, I’m the best and the copy cats ain’t bringin’ nothin’ ♫
♫ They keep tryna hold me, they keep tryna hold me down ♫
♫ But they’re way off, way off, hey! Actin’ like you know me ♫
♫ Talk behind my back and clown, hey, ay, ay, oh ♫
♫ Oh, come on down, and meet me on the floor, you can try to stop us ♫
♫ But we’re still here like we were before, ‘cause we ain’t budgin’ ♫
♫ No, we ain’t goin’ nowhere, we right here ♫

Dancer #1: (CeCe and Rocky are gaping) So? What do you guys think?
CeCe & Rocky: (Shrugging) Ehh. (Shake It Up, Pittsburgh dancers exit)
Opening sequence. Then: Interior. Jones' apartment.
Rocky: (Enters through window with her money) Who's ready for a pay day party?
CeCe: Me! (To her bear) Sorry, Elvis, but it's that time again. (Rips its head off) Uh-oh, I see clouds rolling in. And that means it's time for... (Pulls out money)
Rocky & CeCe: Rain! (Throwing money in the air, cheering and rolling in it)
Flynn: (Enters) Mom! They're doing it again!
Georgia: (Enters) Alright, girls, girls, hey! This is completely inappropriate! You have to let your mommy go first! (Rolls in the money, cheering with Rocky and CeCe)
Flynn: Am I the only mature one in this family?
Georgia: Money, money, money, money, money, money. (Kisses the money) Okay, as fun as this is, there's a voice in my head telling me I'm not being a responsible parent.
Flynn: It's not a voice. It's me!
Georgia: (Gets up) Okay, it's time for "fun mom" to go.
CeCe: Oh, wow! "Fun mom" was here for, like, 20 seconds. It's a new record!
Georgia: I know. (Hugs CeCe) We all like "fun mom." Of course, she's incredibly cool, and still hot at 29. (CeCe gives her a look) What? (CeCe shrugs) But "practical mom" is raising two kids on her own, and if she wasn't around most of the time, we'd be living in a box under a bridge.
Flynn: Woah, that would be so cool!
Georgia: Yeah? There's no cable in a box. Hey, you know what, you guys have a decent amount of money. I think it's time you both open bank accounts. Try the bank on 6th Street, that one hardly ever gets robbed. (Blows them a kiss) Love you!
CeCe & Flynn: Love you! (Georgia exits)
CeCe: (Flynn goes to exit as the girls clean up their money) Flynn! Cough it up!
Flynn: Fine! (Lifts his hat and money falls)
Interior. Chicago Savings Bank.
Rocky: Wow. This is my first time in a bank.
CeCe: Not me. I've been in here a couple of times to pee. (Walks over to a desk) Excuse me, sir, we'd like to open our first bank account.
Phil: First timers? Hurray! Sit, sit! I'm Phil, have a complimentary pen.
CeCe: Oh, thank you, Phil.
Phil: Entering the world of finance. How exciting! I know banks have gotten a bad rap lately. Here, have a mouse pad. (Throws mouse pads at them) I'm not just going to be your banker. I'm gonna be your friend. And you know what friends do? They give each other free desk calendars!
Rocky: Well, we feel terrible. I mean, we didn't bring anything for you.
Phil: Shh! You brought me your business! The greatest gift anyone can give me. I'll just need to see some ID.
Rocky: Okay, here you go. (Hands him her ID)
Phil: Ah, thank you, Raquel. (CeCe laughs)
Rocky: You know that's my name, so why do you have to laugh every time you hear it?
CeCe: Oh, don't be so sensitive.
Phil: And now... (Takes CeCe's ID) Cecelia.
Rocky: (Laughs. CeCe smacks her arm) Ow!
Phil: Excellent! And where's your deposit?
CeCe: Oh! (Hands him Elvis the bear)
Phil: (Shakes the bear) Wow, there's about $300 here. I bet I know the combination. (Bites Elvis' head off)
CeCe: Elvis has left the building.
Phil: From now on, when you need money, you will use these. (Holds out cards) Pow!
Rocky & CeCe: Debit cards?!
Rocky: (Shakes it in her ear) Yup! There's about $300 in here! (CeCe shakes it, too)
Phil: Now, remember, these aren't toys. You should be mature and responsible.
CeCe: Absolutely. Just one question.
Phil: Yes?
CeCe: (Excitedly) How do we get to the mall from here?
Exterior. Evening. Outside of Rocky & CeCe's apartment. Deuce and Ty are sitting on the steps.
Deuce: Hey, look. Bag ladies. (Rocky and CeCe enter)
Ty: That's a lot of bag and not a lot of lady. (He and Deuce do a handshake)
CeCe: We just cleaned out everything cool at the thrift store.
Rocky: With our brand new...
CeCe & Rocky: (Pull out their cards) Debit cards... debit cards... debit cards... debba, debba, debba, debba, debit cards!
Ty: What I'm sensing is, you got debit cards.
Deuce: Wait a minute, you put your money in a bank? You could've given it to my Uncle Poncho. He makes money.
Rocky: Make-- how does he do that?
Deuce: With a machine. In his basement.
CeCe: Okay, how cute is this? (Pulls out a hat)
Rocky: How cute is this? (Pulls out a bag)
CeCe: How cute are we?
Deuce: You know what would be really cute? If you got some stuff for us.
Ty: Yeah, I'm seeing a lot of bags. Which one has our name on it?
CeCe: Oh, that would be the one right over... nowhere.
Ty: Wow, talk about selfish.
CeCe: What are you talking about? Why should we buy stuff for you guys?
Deuce: Well, I don't know. If I was lucky enough to have a little extra cash, I'd spend some on my friends.
Ty: Yeah, it would be the nice thing to do, especially for your brother.
Rocky: He's right. That would've been the nice thing to do.
CeCe: Well, congratulations, you guys. You've completely ruined the surprise.
Rocky: And what a surprise it was. (To CeCe) What was the surprise?
CeCe: We were planning to take you to a fabulous lunch. This Saturday, before the show, we're going to take you to your favorite restaurant.
Ty: The Olive Pit?
CeCe: No, the Arm Pit. Of course the Olive Pit! There's no other pit we'd take you to.
Rocky: And you haven't noticed? We're the most generous girls you know.
Deuce: Wow, thanks. Sorry about calling you cheap, selfish jerks.
Rocky: You didn't call us that.
Deuce: No, but I was thinking it.
Interior. The Olive Pit. Rocky, CeCe, Ty, and Deuce are being seated.
CeCe: Thank you. Oh, and, uh... (Hands her a bill) Keep the bread sticks coming.
Waitress: Ooh, a whole dollar. I'll be back to take your order if I don't retire first. (Exits)
Deuce: Hey, CeCe, who'd you get to watch your little brother?
CeCe: Oh, I hired the best babysitters money can buy.
Interior. Jones' apartment. Flynn opens the door.
Gunther: I am Gunther.
Tinka: And I am Tinka.
Gunther: And we are here to sit you, bay-bee. (They enter the apartment)
Flynn: (Closes the door) You guys aren't from here, are you?
Tinka: (Laughs and they sit down) We're from foreign land where you'd already be working in a factory.
Flynn: Well, Gunther and Tinkle, in America, the babysitters serve the kid. Let's talk food. Which one of you can bake?
Gunther: (Stands up and raises his hand) Oh, that would be me.
Flynn: Big shocker.
Interior. The Olive Pit.
Rocky: Remember, it's your day, so if you're torn between ordering two things, order them both and, uh, take one home.
CeCe: We have to dance in a little while, so we have to eat light, but you guys can have whatever you want, because we have...
All four: Debit cards, debit cards. Debba, debba, debba, debba... debit cards!
CeCe: (Her cell phone rings) Oh, I have to take this. It's Phil.
Rocky & CeCe: Our banker.
CeCe: (Steps away from the table, answering the phone) Hey, Phil. What's shakin'?
Phil: The name is Mr. Stuts. And nothing is shaking at all, Cecelia. Your accounts are overdrawn. As of this moment your cards are frozen, and I am rejecting your friend request.
CeCe: What? Phil, you sound like a banker. What happened to being our buddy?
Phil: 'Til you put some more money in that account, we are no longer BFFs. And I want my mouse pad back. (Hangs up)
CeCe: (Walks back to table) A moment, please... (Pulls Rocky back by the hair)
Rocky: (Walking backwards) Ow, hair. Ow, hair. Ow, hair. What?!
CeCe: Our accounts are overdrawn, our cards are cut off, and we can't pay for lunch. But on the upside... Yeah, I got nothing.
Rocky: Well, CeCe, we have to tell them.
Ty: (He and Deuce stand up with their drinks) To CeCe and Rocky.
Deuce: The most generous and thoughtful girls we know.
Ty: Yeah. (They click glasses)
Rocky: Well, we promised the guys a surprise. (To Ty and Deuce) Surprise! (While Ty and Deuce order) Together, we only have $16.
CeCe: Be cool. We could pull this off, as long as... we don't eat anything and push the guys towards the cheap food.
Rocky: Right. I'll be climbing out the ladies room window, so, uh, tell me how your plan works out. (Goes to walk off, CeCe pushes her back to the table)
CeCe: Hey...
Tasha: (Enters) Hey, Ty.
Ty: Hey. I believe everyone knows my date, Tasha Brooks.
Rocky: You brought a date?!
Ty: I assumed my invite was plus one.
Deuce: Not cool, man.
CeCe: Yeah, tell me about it.
Deuce: You bring a date when I'm playing solo? I look like a dingle who can't get a girl!
Ty: You are a dingle that can't get a girl. (They all sit and Deuce falls off his chair as Tasha takes it. He gets up and gets another chair)
CeCe: Oh, oh, you know what I hear is delicious? The unlimited salad bar for $3.99.
Rocky: I checked. There's garbanzo beans!
Ty: Don't worry about that, sis. We ordered already.
CeCe: What?!
Deuce: Yeah, Caesar's Feast, the four-course, belly-busting tour of Italy.
Rocky: How much does that cost?
Deuce: Only $19.95 a person.
CeCe: Are you kidding me? For that we could fly to Italy.
Tasha: Can I get the veal "par-meez-ian" for my mom when she picks me up?
CeCe: I think it's pronounced "par-mej-on".
Ty: You don't know what you're talking about. She's part Italian. Anything you want, Tasha, it's on CeCe and my sister...
Ty & Deuce: (They stand with their drinks, clinking their glasses together) The most generous girls we know.
Interior. Jones' apartment.
Gunther: How was my strudel?
Flynn: Flakey, nutty, gooey in the middle... kinda like you guys.
Gunther: This one is adorable.
Tinka: There is no way he can be related to... the other one. (They shudder. Tinka grabs the laundry basket) What is this mess?
Flynn: Laundry that needs to be folded. I'd do it, but in America, that's something the babysitters do while the kids watch TV.
Tinka: Wow, this is a lot of work for $8 an hour.
Flynn: You mean four. In America, the kid gets half.
Gunther & Tinka: Ahh.
Gunther: We are learning so much today!
Tinka: Yeah!
Interior. The Olive Pit.
Rocky: Excuse me. (CeCe takes her aside)
CeCe: We're saved! I climbed in the dumpster and found a roach. (Rocky screams) Shh! (Ty, Deuce and Tasha look over. Rocky waves) Okay, I'm going to put this on our plate and scream and demand we get our meals for free.
Rocky: Nice plan, high five! Ooh, never mind. (They walk back to the table)
CeCe: (Screams. To the waitress) That's disgusting! Look what's on my plate!
Waitress: It's called veal parmesan.
Tasha: Excuse me, ma'am, it's pronounced "par-meez-ian."
Waitress: Wow, pretty and smart. (Gives a thumbs-up then exits)
CeCe: Where'd it go? (Looking under plates)
Rocky: CeCe, a moment? (Pulls her back by the hair)
CeCe: Ow, hair. Ow, hair. Ow, hair. Ow, hair. What?!
Rocky: We need to call your mom.
CeCe: No, she'll chew me out, ground me for nine years, and take away my debit card.
Rocky: Great. Our friends are going to find out we're posers. The restaurant is going to throw us in jail, and then we're going to miss the taping of the show. You have to do something!
CeCe: I did do something. I crawled in a filthy, disgusting, dumpster, and, Rocky, I wasn't alone.
Rocky: Well, then it's time to end this nightmare. We're telling them.
CeCe: Fine. (They walk back to the table)
Rocky: Guys, there's something we have to tell you.
Ty: Tasha... what's on your shoulder?
Tasha: (Screams) Roach! (Runs away)
Ty: Tasha, wait! (Goes to follow her and turns back) Have them wrap my veal in one of those tin foil swan thingies.
Deuce: Can you believe that? Scared of a little roach. (Looks at his shoulder) Is there something on my shoulder? I'm not scared of a roach. I'm not. I am not. Go ahead and tell me it's a roach right now.
Rocky: It's the roach.
Deuce: (Gets up, screaming) Roach! (Runs off)
Waitress: Sorry to keep you waiting. What can I get for you?
Man: Can you tell me about the Big Fat Heart Attack?
Waitress: Oh, it's a special promotion we're having this month. It's a 10-pound meatball on a big plate of spaghetti, but, you finish the whole plate in an hour, your entire table's meals are free.
CeCe: Perfect! (To waitress) Um, excuse me. My friend will have that meatball special.
Rocky: What? Why me?
CeCe: Because I crawled in the dumpster.
Rocky: Well, I'm a vegetarian.
CeCe: Not today, you're not!
Waitress: Attention! Someone is having a Heart Attack. (A siren goes off. The Olive Pit staff gathers around and everyone claps. The waitress puts a bib on Rocky)
Rocky: What? What is everybody looking at? Haven't you ever seen a 13-year-old girl having a Heart Attack? (They leave)
CeCe: Relax. I mean, how much food can it really be?
Waitress: (Placing a big plate, covered, on their table) Here we go... (Pulls the cover off. CeCe and Rocky jump back in surprise. Everyone claps.) You've got one hour. (She starts on a stopwatch) Good luck, honey. (Exits)
CeCe: Whoa, I'd start eating before the thing eats you.
Rocky: Tell my parents I love them...
Waitress: (Shows Rocky eating. Walks by) Forty-five minutes! (CeCe helps her eat. Shows a montage of them eating; CeCe puts some in her purse, and puts a big chunk of the meatball in a kid's hood as he walks by. Rocky and CeCe tiredly eat the same noodle and jump back, disgusted, when they realize.)
Interior. Jones' apartment. Flynn is directing the Hessenheffers as they wash dishes at the sink.
Georgia: (Enters) Hiya, Flynn!
Gunther: (He and Tinka wave) Hello!
Georgia: Oh, hello! (Pushes Gunther and Tinka against the sink and searches them) Who the heck are you?
Tinka: I'm Tinka.
Gunther: And I'm Gunther. And we are...
Tinka & Gunther: The Hessenheffers! (Georgia lets them go) We were hired to sit on your baby!
Flynn: CeCe had them watch me.
Georgia: I am so mad at your sister right now, but I'm torn because I really love coming home to clean dishes.
Gunther: It has been an honor to remove the disgusting filth from your shabby home. (Georgia gives them a look)
Interior. The Olive Pit.
Crowd: (Gathered around Rocky and CeCe) Eat, eat, eat, eat, eat...
Rocky: Can't eat any more.
Crowd: Aww... (They exit)
CeCe: I'd run out on this bill if I didn't have spaghetti in my shoes.
Rocky: They're my shoes. Don't want 'em back.
CeCe: You know what? This is our own fault. We acted like idiots, and we were irresponsible with our money.
Ty: (He and Deuce enter) Tasha's furious with me for taking her to a roach-infested restaurant. By the way, her mom still wants that veal parm.
Deuce: Are you eating a possum?
Rocky: Tell them.
CeCe: Fine. We messed up because we spent all our money on ourselves. We can't afford this lunch. Our debit-debit-debit cards are... dubba-dubba dead.
Rocky: Sorry. We felt selfish and guilty and wanted to impress you guys.
Ty: We already know you. It's too late to impress us.
Rocky: Our meal's free if I can finish this meatball.
Deuce: I'm sure we got enough to cover the bill.
Ty: Yeah. (He and Deuce pull out their money)
Deuce: How much you got?
Ty: I got, like, 25...
Deuce: I got, like, 15...
Ty: Six... seven... let's see, let's see..
Deuce: Oh alright, let's get this-- (Takes the bill from CeCe. He and Ty freeze)
Ty: New plan. You're finishing that meatball.
Waitress: Five, four, three, two... one! (Rocky finishes eating)
CeCe: (Screams) We made it!
Waitress: (Shaking Rocky's shoulders) Who could've thought that a nine-pound girl could eat a 10-pound meatball?
Deuce: Wait a minute, there's another piece right over there.
Ty: Uh, that piece is moving.
Rocky: That's not a meatball...
All four: (Screaming) Roach! (They exit, running away. The waitress slaps the cockroach.)
Interior. Shake It Up, Chicago! studio. The Shake It Up, Pittsburgh dancers are on the stage.
♫ But they’re way off, way off, hey! ♫
♫ Actin’ like you know me, talk behind my back and clown ♫
♫ Hey, ay, ay, oh. Oh... ♫
Rocky: Wow, I ate so much, I can barely button my pants!
CeCe: Yeah, tell me about it. I can hardly move.
Gunther: It's called Shake It Up, Chicago!, not "I Just Ate You, Chicago!" (He and Tinka laugh)
♫ Oh, come on down, and meet me on the floor ♫
♫ You can try to stop us, but we’re still here ♫
♫ Like we were before, ‘cause we ain’t budgin’ ♫
♫ No, we ain’t goin’ nowhere, we right here ♫
Rocky: Amazing.
CeCe: Sure, they might have great talent and abilities, but we have... Yeah, I got nothing again.
Gary: Give it up for our guest dancers from Shake It Up, Pittsburgh! (The crowd cheers) And we'll see you next week right here on Shake It Up, Chicago! (Tosses his microphone) Great show, everyone. Now, I wanna thank you for all your hard work, bring it in, boys! (A cart is rolled in with food) Lunch for everyone from the Olive Pit! (Everyone runs to the cart, but Rocky and CeCe look sick.) Oh, oh, oh! Easy! (Gary brings a plate to Rocky and CeCe) You gotta taste these meatballs.
CeCe: Oh, that's okay!
Rocky: I think I'm... starting to taste them right now... (She and CeCe exit, running off)

Transcribed by Mixitup21

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